straining toward what is ahead

Okay I am back! Lauren needed help with something I couldn't help her with. Too bad.

I think I am quite self-centered. I am selfish, mean, shallow and much more.

I can't change. Not on my own.

God is a huge part of my life. It's just that I forget that sometimes. Which I'm sure is really sad. Because I can imagine God sitting right next to me and crying. All because I forget about him.

But then again. Isn't that being self-centered? I sometimes wonder if what people said ("if you were the only human in the world 2000 years ago, God would have still sent His son down to earth to die for YOU") is not true. Because the Bible never said that.

I wonder. But i do know that he loves me. It's just that i'm wondering how much.

I learn a lot from my devotions. I do, i really do. But I forget to put it into practice. If you know what I mean. Like I may read stuff like "forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead" then i'll say stuff like, I must forget what is behind. i have repented and God has already forgiven me. But do I really live it out? I still do bash myself up emotionally when I think about all the bad things I've done in my past life.


A side note: someone came and spoke in our chapel meeting in school. he asked "why are you a christian?"

I honestly don't know my own answer. I'm still struggling to find an answer.